Heaven of Hell, Hell of Heaven

Heaven of Hell, Hell of Heaven

Anyone who suffers from anxiety knows exactly how tricky that son of a bitch can be. For example, we all have gone to bed at 10PM just to stay up until 3AM with our thoughts (and any thought that keeps you up is never a good one). Not only am I unable to sleep, but my plan on attending the 5:45AM kick boxing class seems extremely unlikely. I’m playing the game of workout vs sleep so naturally I skip class..

6:30: I wake up and running on about 3.5 hours of sleep.

7:05: I’m rushing to leave my apartment. I didn’t get to stretch, write down my gratitude’s, and drink a glass of water..so as someone who thoroughly enjoys a morning routine, my anxiety is heavier than ever.

7:37: I’m in the car and running late to work. The whole drive up to the office feels as if the car is caving in on me.

8:24 :I’m telling myself I’m okay and it was just one missed workout, but the other half of me just isn’t buying it.

9:00AM: I force a smile on and it’s time to start the day.

Over the past few years I’ve been doing my best to stay mindful of the now and remind myself that life happens how it happens, so live my best one.  And as much as I’ve stayed grateful, thankful, blessed…there are many days where I’ve been anxious, overwhelmed, stressed.

When I was 18 I left California, and headed to Massachusetts to play college basketball. My Dad started to send me weekly postcards with motivational words. Every day I checked my mailbox in hopes of finding a postcard or two in there. As a young adult on her own and thousands of miles away from home, these cards were everything. Now, as an established 24 year old, their meaning is even greater.

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I can’t remember the first time I read this quote, or if I fully understood it at the time, but goddamn is it true. We all have been there… one negative thought leads to a downward spiral, and now navigating through your rational and irrational thoughts seem impossible. You can’t escape.

If you’re anything like me, you’re doing your best to stay rational. You listen to a podcast, vent to some friends, get a good workout in…but nothing seems to lift the weight off your chest. And then something happens…In the midst of all this negativity and anxiety, the universe sends us a sign…a post card.

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I found this hidden gem the other night when I was looking for a piece of paper to write down a few bullet points on. In this moment, this quote was exactly what I needed. It made me smile and laugh, and remember that everyday I’m grateful to be happy, healthy, and alive. This microscopic moment brought me back to the Now for 5 seconds and that was all I needed.

As humans we spiral. We create problems that don’t exist. We keep ourselves up at night fearing an event that may never come true. I encourage you to be mindful of your thoughts, to recognize when you are creating a “Heaven of Hell, Hell of Heaven.” Don’t wait for the universe to send you a sign, create one.

4 thoughts on Heaven of Hell, Hell of Heaven

  1. Thanks for sharing. This is an issue very close to heart. Nicely put. You are worth it and take one day and one moment at a time.

    • Hey Darrell! Thank you for your feedback and always taking the time to read my posts. I’m glad you were able to find this post something relateable. Deep breaths baby, you got this.

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